Robert Laurie Presents: The Robalution - A Conservative Voice In A World Gone Mad

Poor Phil Jones.  You remember Phil, right?  He was the head of the Climatic Research Unit - the guy who was faking all of that data in order to provide ammo for the anti-capitalist, anti-American, increasingly bogus, man made climate change movement.

Well, it seems Phil is now throwing himself one heck of a pity party, telling the London Times that he’s “just a scientist” and has “no training in PR or dealing with crises.”  He went on to say that, on several occasions, he thought about killing himself.  Only the love of his adorable, five-year-old granddaughter could turn the depression around.

Just a thought Phil, but maybe the reason you’re so depressed is that you were caught lying to the entire planet.  If you were really “just a scientist” you probably wouldn’t have had to prop up your unsubstantiated research with “Mike’s nature trick of adding in the real temps to hide the decline.”  Y’see, real scientists just report their data, they don’t fake it, and therefore, they don’t usually feel the need to commit suicide due to their guilt and shame.

I hope you’re not expecting too much sympathy, Phil.  After all, we’ve got other liars to deal with.  The world’s done wasting time on you.

- Robert Laurie

Obama went to Virgina, campaigned for the Democrats, and they lost.

Obama went to New Jersey, campaigned for the Democrats, and they lost.

Obama went to Massachusetts, campaigned for the Democrats, and they lost.

Now, you can add the Indianapolis Colts to Barry’s list of losers.

Just before the game, Obama spoke with Katie Couric.  Calling Payton Manning “perhaps the best quarterback in history,” Obama predicted that the Colts would defeat the New Orleans Saints in last night’s Superbowl….and, of course, they lost.

Does anyone else get the feeling that an Obama endorsement is starting to look an awful lot like that cat that’s been predicting deaths in a Providence, RI nursing home?

Upcoming notables on the Obama career death watch include Harry Reid, who Obama has promised to campaign for in the fall.

Harry?  You want to survive?  Don’t let him near you!

- Robert Laurie

As Eddie Murphy used to say, it’s the shortest month of the year, so of course, it’s Black history month.

To honor it, the enlightened, non-rascists running NBC have decided that the 30 Rockefeller Plaza commissary should have a menu that they feel reflects the appetites of the average African-American.

So, without hesitation, they chose fried chicken.  The picture above is from their menu, and was taken with a camera phone by an offended NBC employee.

Apparently, they’ve been taking their culinary inspiration from this Australian KFC Ad. 

I’m surprised they’re not giving away free watermelons at the corporate craps tournament.

Please, NBC, just stop.  From Chris Matthew’s comments about how he managed to forget Barack Obama was black, to your insulting assumption that all of your black employees would flock to the fried chicken special, I think you’ve taught us enough about racial sensitivity.

- Robert Laurie

Last week, during the State Of The Union, Obama did his damndest to paint himself as a Washington outsider.

I take a look at the claim in my new Daily Caller piece. 

Check it out, HERE

- Robert Laurie

Well, February 11th should be interesting.  On that day, according to Iranian Kook Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran will “deliver a telling blow to global powers.”

No one is exactly sure what that means but the Iranian scimitar rattling has managed to spook Washington.  As a result, the U.S. military is beefing up its Persian Gulf forces, sending troops, ships, and more missile defense systems to the area.  Obviously, this aggressive posturing can mean only one thing.  Obama is looking to start an illegal war for oil.  Can’t he bow or apologize his way out of this?

Anyway, it looks like you may want to fill your tank on February 10th, because if the past is any indication, come the next morning, it could be pricey indeed….

- Robert Laurie

In the immortal words of Navin R. Johnson, “The new phone books are here!”

This morning, Obama unveiled the mammoth tomes that contain his new, unsustainable, deeply flawed budget.

Despite increasing taxes on families tht make over $250,000 a year, repealing the Bush tax cuts, and creating brand new taxes targeted at rich individuals and financial institutions, the budget still creates 1.6 trillion dollars of new debt.  That figure manages to trump last years record high of 1.4 trillion, so it seems that the President has learned nothing from the rampant outrage of 2009.

Fortunately, once those new taxes kick in, and the resultant layoffs begin, most families won’t have to worry about the burdens associated with making more than $250,000.

In a highly defensive speech this morning, Obama blamed Bush, then went on to try and paint himself as the savior of our economy, not its destroyer.  He has it seems, turned everything around.  That 10.2% unemployment rate is meaningless, because he has, largely, fixed the disaster that his predecessor left behind.  Unfortunately, he now predicts he will create over five trillion dollars worth of debt over the next five years.  That’s 35% higher than he forecast a year ago.

Remarkably, though he left office over a year ago, George Bush must have somehow snuck into the oval office and created all that new debt while Obama wasn’t looking.  The man has got to be stopped!

We’re fortunate to have Barry in office, because he’s pulled out the red pen and started slashing unnecessary expenditures in order to cover a tiny fraction of his squandering.  He has eliminated a great many wasteful enterprises, while providing funding for what he termed “programs I care about.”

It looks like he doesn’t care about Nasa, because the wildly unpopular space agency will see its moon mission cancelled and its budget slashed dramatically.  Don’t worry, though, Obama has ensured that they will still receive enough cash to fight the increasingly bogus problem of global warming.  Thank God.  The American people may be willing to watch the President deficate on a Moon mission, but they’d never forgive him if he eliminated the global warming cash.

Obama said this morning that he wouldn’t be able to bring down the deficit overnight.  Color me impressed.  It’s a brilliant diamond of clear thinking wisdom.  If he keeps increasing our debt at a record rate, he will indeed have a tough time bringing it down.  According to his current plan, after 10 years, he will have lowered it by a meager $250 Billion.

Republicans?  Propose a new balanced budget amendment.  NOW.

- Robert Laurie

Those of us who look at Obama as a radical leftist first, African American second, may have trouble believing it, but not everyone sees it that way.

The left is, if nothing else, rife with internal racism.  They see everything as divided and compartmentalized.  To them white, black, Asian, Hispanic, and Native American aren’t just labels, they’re unflinching lifestyle definitions.  Dems pay a mountain of lip service to the idea that they spend their days fighting racists but, in their heart of hearts, they see such divisions more starkly than anyone.

So, during last night’s State Of The Union speech, it must have been a great relief for Chris Matthews who, for a few minutes, managed to forget that Obama was black.

Chris, the rest of us have been looking at this guy, without thinking about his race, for a long time now.  We judge him based on his policies and his actions.  It’s nice that, at least for “an hour,” you were able to join us.

Or were you? 

I mean, as you say say you were watching and “said wait a minute, he’s an African American guy in front of a bunch of other white people.”  So, I guess you really didn’t manage to forget he was black after all, did you?

- Robert Laurie

Back in the 70’s, as the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons swept the nation, parents became uneasy.  Rumors about the game’s alleged devil-worship connections began to spread, and soon we were bombarded with urban legends about kids climbing into the sewers to act out their fantasies - never to return again.  It looks like the intrigue never stops, as Wisconsin’s Waupun Correctional Institution has banned the game, angering convicted murderer, Kevin T. Singer.

Now, lest you think the prison is trampling on its inmate’s constitutionally protected right to worship satan, you should be aware that the reason for the ban is somewhat different.  It seems that prisoners have been forming violent gangs based around the game and their fictional alter-egos.  In addition, the prison cited the game’s themes of “competitive hostility, violence, addictive escape behaviors, and possible gambling” as destabilizing forces in an already tense atmosphere.

As a result Kevin T. Singer had his dice, rulebook, monster guide, and even his own personal scenarios, confiscated as contraband.  Faced with a lifetime encarceration that featured neither dungeons nor dragons, he pulled out his +1 law books and headed to court.

Unfortunately, Singer’s hopes were dashed as the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of appeals launched a magic missle of derission at his case.  “Punishment,” they said, “is a fundamental aspect of imprisonment.”

So now, the murderous nerd sits in his own personal dungeon, alone with his thoughts and the knowledge that he lacked the necessary charisma points to spare his favorite game.  The injustice is staggering. 

Someone call the ACLU.

- Robert Laurie

Three months ago, Newsday became one of the nation’s first daily papers to charge people for online content.  The pricetag for access to the notoriously left-biased daily? $5 a week, or $260 a year.

Last week, publisher Terry Jimenez  revealed that, After 90 days, the publication has amassed a whopping thirty-five subscribers.

Here are some facts to put that in perspective:

• The famous Tsavo Lions ate 35 people in 1898.
• Last June, 40 People (5 more than subscribe to Newsday) were injured on a water ride in Indiana.
• 35 is one third the number of drunken students arrested at a New London, NH House Party Last November.
• Volvo & Mercedes make Party Buses that would seat all 35 subscribers with room for another 5, should anyone ever sign up.
• If you wanted to feed deli sandwiches to each of Newsday’s online subscribers, you’d need approximately five and a half pounds of meat, and three loaves of bread.
• In 2008, 35 students in Malaysia were given the option of changing schools after experiencing hysteria due to their haunted classroom.
• Newsday has one online subscriber for each of the 35 virtues ascribed to the Virgin Mary by Albertus Magnus.
• Newsday’s subscribers would only fill the shoes of half the people involved in this 70-person mass sky diving world record.

I suppose the real story here is not how few people have signed up for Newsday, but the fact that they’ve actually found 35 people willing to pay for their propaganda rag.  We’re sure they’re proud of their numbers, and are thrilled that they’re being so widely reported.

- Robert Laurie

P.S. - The headline?  Well, that’s a joke only a few people will get, but trust me, they’ll think it’s damn funny.

Check out my newest op-ed over at The Daily Caller.  It deals with the fact that, since Democrats are refusing to learn from Brown’s Massachusetts win, Republicans had better.

God help them if their momentum continues, and they don’t see the lessons inherent in the Massachusetts election.

Read it HERE

- Robert Laurie