Back in the 70’s, as the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons swept the nation, parents became uneasy.  Rumors about the game’s alleged devil-worship connections began to spread, and soon we were bombarded with urban legends about kids climbing into the sewers to act out their fantasies – never to return again.  It looks like the intrigue never stops, as Wisconsin’s Waupun Correctional Institution has banned the game, angering convicted murderer, Kevin T. Singer.

Now, lest you think the prison is trampling on its inmate’s constitutionally protected right to worship satan, you should be aware that the reason for the ban is somewhat different.  It seems that prisoners have been forming violent gangs based around the game and their fictional alter-egos.  In addition, the prison cited the game’s themes of “competitive hostility, violence, addictive escape behaviors, and possible gambling” as destabilizing forces in an already tense atmosphere.

As a result Kevin T. Singer had his dice, rulebook, monster guide, and even his own personal scenarios, confiscated as contraband.  Faced with a lifetime encarceration that featured neither dungeons nor dragons, he pulled out his +1 law books and headed to court.

Unfortunately, Singer’s hopes were dashed as the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of appeals launched a magic missle of derission at his case.  “Punishment,” they said, “is a fundamental aspect of imprisonment.”

So now, the murderous nerd sits in his own personal dungeon, alone with his thoughts and the knowledge that he lacked the necessary charisma points to spare his favorite game.  The injustice is staggering. 

Someone call the ACLU.

- Robert Laurie